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Not Andersen Prunty

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  • Free Trash

    Click here for a lot of free audiobook codes, especially if you’re in the UK.

    May 7, 2026
    andersen prunty, horror, fiction, writers, audiobooks, free audiobook codes uk, dark humor

  • Free Dreaditation

    My 2022 novel, Dreaditation, about a hapless douchebag who infiltrates a wellness retreat, is now available as an audiobook. Audible has loaded me up with free codes, which I’m sharing with you below. It’s first come, first served. If one doesn’t work, that means it’s already been used. Try the next one.

    For the U.S.:


    8M2DLAB2SNF3T
    8N2EJZDYK7LF4
    8ZRLYUKF44L29
    A4HM7UPYZYQAC
    ARL9GMNEPCT7K
    C4TH6TY99KWSJ
    CZS75UWCTMZH2
    D5AKNBKRFEENK
    HCXHZCMQGWRMC
    HFN5HG5MCZWTM
    KAM437EL96EQ3
    L3S2CBMGCUYHS
    LJ9PUPQRXNBRB
    NCUR5RXB654LF
    NMJA9P4BUUR4E
    R7B5Z7XSCUDEC
    R7DUCMYST27BK
    W4BWMY6S57SRF
    WBBGE8BX79D6T
    X72EKDGSNZAJ3
    YNLGKUZP4NHMU
    YP2D63LRWMKBL

    For the U.K.:

    459APRQUXUR6H
    5HW9E9S6RDQWC
    7ZHHAEKSKGJZB
    9FAGCX2JKEGEM
    9TJGPQ6XLD9DU
    ACNBHJQWHM29N
    AGJYA6YLWSLXU
    DWY35RPRXYYTC
    F63D2AJUBMXUW
    FAKYT2WHYBMX4
    FDJR2HCPJ88U6
    GBP3RJUHZB3EK
    H25LZSDBGJ3BE
    JRTFYGFTEJFBP
    K8X3BKX3XSQR7
    MEPHPNQ9NYKNE
    MFANB9WNYNE52
    MMEHBH4F9XG54
    N274YPAKZ72AC
    PGZKUTYKTYYBW
    SW6L6KHX32W6T
    USPNS98QM73CS
    WDHQTXMFLET76
    YWDJRP2L2XDXP
    Z4P6EZPAXJGF9

    May 5, 2026
    andersen prunty, dark comedy, dreaditation, fiction, free, free audiobook codes, horror, new audiobooks, satire, writers, writing

  • The Backroom of the Furniture Store

    “I don’t know,” they say. “The one time I went back there, it smelled like mildew and there was a short, thick, older man doing somersaults with an overly determined look in his eyes.”

    “The one time I went back there,” I say. “I saw Timbo giving it to a very old lady lying on a couch who was vomiting into a bucket on the floor. They both seemed to be having a really good time. I might have been hallucinating.”

    We’re sitting in two posh recliners, fairly close to each other, after having turned the OPEN sign off for the furniture store.

    “I wonder what’s going on in there right now,” they say.

    “I don’t know. I’m too drunk to get up.”

    “There’s definitely an odor.”

    “Moderately alarming.”

    “I don’t think there’s any reason to freak out. This place has always been here. Probably not going anywhere.”

    They’re right. We’ve worked in the furniture store since we were in high school. Our parents worked here before us. I’m nearly fifty.

    “No. Unfortunately. No.” I dig the flask out of my pocket and take a healthy slurp. “We going home or …” I have to ask. Sometimes, when we’re both in this condition, we’ll find a mattress in the warehouse and sleep on that. Usually with another mattress on top for warmth and added stealth. I’ve almost suffocated myself on at least three occasions.

    “I was just going to sleep in my car. Tell them I got here too early and dozed off.”

    “Have you ever done that?”

    “What?”

    “Gotten here too early.”

    “No. But there’s a first time for everything.”

    “You mind if I sleep under it?”

    “My car?”

    “Yeah. I normally sleep in the bathtub at my apartment. I like a hard surface and there’s carpet everywhere. Like … everywhere.”

    “I don’t fucking care.”

    “Thanks. I really don’t want to walk home.”

    “You live across the parking lot.”

    “Too far.”

    January 30, 2026
    andersen prunty, creative writing, free stories, furniture, luxury items, mystery

  • The Vacationers

    We only ever stopped vacationing when the vacation started to feel like work.

    January 23, 2026
    andersen prunty, creative writing, vacations

  • Not a Wild Night

    I ask her when she’s coming over and she tells me she has to finish smoking her pack of cigarettes.

    A few hours later, she shows up and asks if I have any cigarettes. I remind her I don’t smoke and tell her we’ll get some on the way to the club. She says she’s ready but we both know there’s something we have to do first.

    We take off our clothes and wipe each other all over ourselves.

    We put different clothes on, as ill-fitting and mismatched as possible.

    We douse ourselves in fragrance because now we both smell like cigarettes. I’m pretty sure we use way too much.

    Eyes watering, we go in search of tonight’s entertainment.

    We wander into what I suspect is a costume party where everyone is wearing the same costume. A man is running a jackhammer in the corner while everyone else runs around doing other things. The volume is deafening. It might be a construction zone. They don’t seem to mind that we’re there. They don’t ask us to leave until I start trying to do construction things and she lights a cigarette.

    After a lot of arguing and some minor violence, we decide to leave.

    “Ain’t nowhere lets you smoke inside no more,” she says.

    We go to a hospital. After driving around for an hour, it’s the only place open besides convenience stores. We’ve been banned from most of those. Various reasons.

    When they ask us why we’re there, I tell them I’m dying of boredom and she tells them she’s pretty sure she has lung cancer.

    A security guard escorts us out. I try to steal his gun and he gives me a violent beatdown before tossing me out into the parking lot.

    She hikes up her skirt and pisses so close to me I can feel the spatter hit my face.

    I ask her if she knows smoking can change the smell of your urine.

    She tells me tonight’s been a real dud and she’s going back home to smoke and drink until she loses consciousness.

    I ask if she can give me a ride home and stumble after her when she says yes. She barely stops the car at my house. I watch her pull away, envious of her cigarettes and booze. I pick up a small stone and hurl it at her car, just because. It doesn’t come anywhere close.

    I try to think if I have something in the house that I can do until losing consciousness but can’t think of anything.

    It doesn’t really matter anyway because I’ve forgotten how to open my door. I thought it was the same as any other door, but it seems different now.

    I curl up under the porch swing and patiently wait for sleep.

    I hope I wake up in time to threaten the school children on the way to the bus.

    Maybe by then I’ll remember how to open my door.

    Maybe I’ll remember what’s inside my house.

    January 16, 2026
    absurd stories, andersen prunty, cigarettes, entertainment, free stories, friendship, smoking, social life

  • Billionaire Stuff

    A woman takes a vacation to a remote island in the Pacific. The first few evenings on the island, she visits the beach after dinner. She finds her favorite spot on the boardwalk and leans against the railing. Sure enough, she spots a couple fucking. There has been at least one couple fucking every time she’s come here. She always stays until they’ve finished.

    She comes back to the same place the following night and sees a man standing against her spot on the railing. She seethes with resentment. From this distance, she thinks the man looks familiar, but as she draws closer, she realizes he’s not who she thought he was. He has uncut, scraggly hair and several weeks of beard growth. His odor becomes more pronounced the closer she gets. Oddly, his apparent poverty makes him feel safer to her. Or maybe she just feels sorry for him.

    “Fun to watch, isn’t it?” she says. “Someone’s been here every night … doing that.”

    “They’re prostitutes,” the man says. “Well, sometimes they’re shooting a video.”

    “Oh, sex workers,” the woman says. “Yeah, that makes sense. I never thought of that. Although, I’d have to say with all the surveillance here, everybody is making a video all the time. I always watch until they’re finished.”

    “Does it turn you on?”

    She pauses before speaking. “I don’t think so. I’m on so many pills I can barely feel my body. It gives me a sense of completion and accomplishment.” She introduces herself.

    “People call me Jimmy,” the man says. “I don’t remember what my real name is.”

    She doesn’t pry. She doesn’t even really care.

    “You wanna come back to my place?” he says. “Just to hang out.”

    “Sure,” she says, figuring she’ll barely feel it if he decides to murder her.

    “Do you want to stay until they’re finished?”

    She thinks about it. “No. They will finish. Knowing that’s good enough.”

    She follows him down the beach to an abandoned lifeguard shack. He’s got some blankets on the floor, surrounded by empty liquor bottles and cigarette butts. There’s a ratty backpack. She imagines it probably holds a change of clothes or something. This is a pretty posh island. She feels like he must work at one of the hotels or restaurants. She’s pretty sure homeless people are not allowed to exist here.

    She isn’t planning to mention it, but he talks incessantly about bathing in the ocean and not having to do anything he doesn’t want to.

    She finally asks him.

    “Are you unhoused?”

    He smirks.

    “I’m not,” he says. “But do you want to see someone who is?”

    She’s slightly confused by this.

    “A … an unhoused person?”

    “The only one on the island. Not me.”

    “I … I guess so.”

    She doesn’t really need to see the unhoused person, but now she kind of wants to.

    The man goes over to his backpack and brings out a pair of binoculars.

    He steps out of the shack and points the binoculars down the shore.

    “Ah!” he says. “There he is.”

    He hands the binoculars to the woman. She presses them into her eye sockets and squints until she sees the unhoused man. There’s no question about it. He’s definitely living off the mountain of supplies in his rickshaw.

    “Sometimes he tries to give people rides in his cart thing there, but he smells so bad nobody can take it.”

    The woman whimpers a sympathetic sound.

    “Nothing to worry about,” the man says. “He’s mine.” Jimmy tells her his real name that he supposedly couldn’t remember only moments before. She recognizes the name first and then the man. She was used to seeing him clean-cut and always on her phone or TV screen. He reminds her of an overgrown baby learning to walk for the first time. Something about the way he holds his arms and moves his legs. It all clicks into place. “I like to keep him around just so I know how things could’ve gone if I hadn’t worked so hard.”

    The woman knows he comes from a fantastically wealthy family and assumes he’s had a lot of job titles but has probably done very little work.

    “I make sure he doesn’t get too close because, yeah, that smell is no joke. But I like knowing he’s around. I think other people do too.” He motions to the shack surrounding them. “You know, it’s all just billionaire stuff.”

    Suddenly, the woman wants to be anywhere but in this shack with this ghoulish creature. She doesn’t think any niceties are necessary since this man is probably so used to it and isn’t really deserving of anything.

    She turns and bolts out of the shack. She’s running down the beach, kicking up sand. She thinks about running toward the unhoused man, inviting him back to her room, letting him shower, and ordering a feast for room service. But eventually she gets too tired or maybe her body just forgets what it’s doing and she collapses in the sand. She rings the hotel and they send two islanders down to collect her and wheel her back to her room.

    The next night she goes back to watch the people fuck on the beach.

    The billionaire isn’t there but it occurs to her he probably pays at least some of these people.

    Her vacation is ruined.

    January 9, 2026
    absurdist fiction, andersen prunty, billionaires, eat the rich, free fiction, free stories, vacation

  • The Cinema

    We all go to the cinema. We’re drunk, high, and extremely well fed. The seats are so comfortable we’re barely aware what we’re watching. Leaving the cinema, we all agree that it looked and sounded amazing. We can’t remember the name of the film or who was in it. It was an experience.

    January 2, 2026
    andersen prunty, cinema, fiction, film, free stories, leisure, movies, recreation

  • The Landlord

    NOW AVAILABLE

    Marcus and Robin meet in an online forum. It isn’t long before the two become a couple and Robin moves in with Marcus. Life in their cozy apartment in the city suits them, until a notice is slid under their door. The cost of rent is going up, something neither of them can afford, and finding a new place that’s within their budget proves to be a challenge.

    When Robin discovers an ad for a charming tiny house in a village called Little Falls, not too far from the city, it seems too good to be true. After visiting the town, they convince themselves the house isn’t too small and the landlord is more quirky and eccentric than creepy. Besides, they tell themselves, if it doesn’t work out, they can always move next year when the lease is up.

    But shortly after settling in, they begin to question their decision. Something about the ever-present landlord feels off. And when they begin to regret signing the lease, the landlord offers them a chilling warning: breaking it will bring consequences far worse than staying.

    December 27, 2025
    andersen prunty, cv hunt, horror comedy, new books, new horror, surreal horror, weirdcore

  • Barb 2

    Barb goes to the bar. She sits on the stool, lowers her top, and flips her heavy breasts onto the bar.

    “Sauce me,” she says.

    The bartender sprinkles salt on one nipple and dumps some tequila on the other.

    Mickey scurries over, lowers his head, and laps Barb’s nipples clean, the salty one first. He looks ashamed of himself and refuses to make eye contact with anyone. He puts a soggy wad of money he’s been holding in his sweaty hand on the bar between Barb’s breasts.

    We have no idea what Mickey does or did for a living.

    He could be thirty or ninety.

    We don’t know.

    December 26, 2025
    andersen prunty, free stories, more barb

  • Barb

    Barb got involved in a party girl scene. We were all real shocked. At 70-something, we thought maybe she had gotten some kind of dementia, but Kyle, a doctor we knew, ran some tests and said she was fine. The tests were performed at the bar.

    “Maybe she just likes to have fun,” he said. “This bar’s real sad.” He looked at Mickey when he said that. Mickey sat at the end of the bar, had a ridiculous haircut, and was drinking himself through his second liver.

    “Yeah,” Mickey said. “I know I ain’t much of a party guy no more.”

    Later, Barb came in with her crew, two school age grandchildren, and her new boyfriend, a rocker hunk named Deen.

    Barb promptly sent the kids out to the alley to play with Slurf. We were never sure if Slurf was a human or some kind of large dog.

    Barb made an announcement. She said, “Me and Deen think this should be a party bar now. A real club.”

    The music changed like that. It was stuff most of us had never heard and weren’t sure we liked. After only a few minutes, the place was packed. Barb pulled her tits out. We’d never seen her look so ecstatic.

    We watched as Mickey pounded the rest of his drink, looked around at the festivities, and shook his head before leaving. Every time he left, we were never sure if we’d see him again.

    We bought cocaine from a sweaty guy who’d shown up with Barb’s crew and took it to the bathroom so we could clear our heads and try to figure out if we should stay. We left the bathroom energized and with a renewed sense of focus and purpose. We decided to stay until close.

    Even though none of us had previously been interested, we each took our shot with Barb. She turned each of us down. Now that the bar was packed, there should have been other people we were interested in, but something seemed magnetic about Barb. Super charismatic.

    When the bar or club or whatever it was now closed, we followed Barb and her crew to an afterparty spot in the city. We had to ride bikes because we’d all lost our licenses so many times they refused to ever give them back.

    The afterparty got really dark for a while and we all declined eye contact once it started breaking up. We told ourselves we should go get tested for everything and then laughed. There was no way we could afford to do that.

    Barb’s crew left to get food and we followed them. We sat as close to them as we could but there was no getting Barb’s attention. She went to the parking lot several times with several suspicious looking people.

    Just before dawn, she announced that she had to go retrieve her grandkids and take them to school. We knew the night was over. We got on our bikes and went home to our studio apartments, parents’ basements, and subsidized housing.

    We knew Barb had single-handedly made our lives more interesting, more glamorous, and we all looked forward to doing it again tomorrow.

    December 19, 2025
    alcohol, andersen prunty, comic fiction, free stories, party scenes

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